We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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