Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
