No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
