we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
