fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
