last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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