There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
