We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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