Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
