you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
