Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
