She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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