ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize