It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I did not marry a roomba.
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