It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
