My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
