We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
