You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
