Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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