Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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