my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
