I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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