Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
