My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
