I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
