Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
