We named our party play list daddy issues
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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