East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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