That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
So. Much. Porn.
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