He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
