I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
