so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
