I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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