i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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