I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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