but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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