I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
