listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
