people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
