So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
