I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
did i walk over a car last night?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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