There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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