seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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