she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
