I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I am full of burrito and curiosity
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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