I wish I could teleport
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
A bitchslap is in order.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
