butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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