So drunk its hurt
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
