So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I FOUND THE LEGS
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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