She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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