saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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