this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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