Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
