lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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