I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
