i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
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