Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
