he wants to bone in the snuggie
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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