Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I think i got beer on your cat.
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