Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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