Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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