She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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