We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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