dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
