I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
