It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
