butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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