I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
