let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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