remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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