Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
